Fashion Mullets & Other Terrors

Man Mullet

Today I had a terrifying thought that wouldn’t go away.

       Mullets.

This morning I picked up my friend Sammy, grabbed our customary Thursday morning Top Pot, and arrived at men’s morning prayer (imagine 6:30am half-asleep unshaved men sitting in a large circle).

No one there had a mullet. I hadn’t seen any mullets lately. No strange nightmares of mullets. But I still kept thinking about them. I finally mentioned it to my friend Sammy and he said it sounded like a good post for The Journey

Here we go..

According to the Wikipedia article, mullets have been around since Grecian days. The article quoted a line from Homer’s The Iliad to prove it, with one problem – the reference is bogus.

I pulled out my copy of The Iliad and searched Book 2 lines 632-635, just like it said, plus about 4-5 pages before and after.

Not there, Wikipedia, not there. I was tempted to edit the article but I have no idea whether veiled references to mullets exist in The Iliad or not, and at 594 pages I was not feeling ambitious enough to find out. 

If it had been true – that mullets are an age old tradition spawning back to the days of Achilles – I might not have been so terrified. It’s always easier to cope with things that lie within the realm of the normal, but mullets, dear reader, are not normal

I was reminded of this 2 years ago while living in Bergen, Norway. There a hybrid form of the mullet has been enjoying a sort of Renaissance. It’s a hybrid, which means they shouldn’t be as bad as the real thing. Shouldn’t. But witnessing it daily proved otherwise.

It’s just as bad. 

         And remember these?

Ugg Boots

(Some of you are saying, “Remember? I’m wearing a pair right now!” It’s OK, your feet and legs will forgive you someday, really)

When I first went to Norway/Sweden in the spring of 2004, uggs were crazy popular. Almost every girl I met had a pair. Once I got back to the States, I placed the horror behind me and tried to move on. But then, about a year later, I started seeing them again. They were sprouting onto the feet of many girls I knew, like some hideous virus. Somehow it had been transmitted, caught like a cold, and carried back by some fashion infectee.

There are many things that can get into our country. And I understand our nation’s fear of illegal aliens, and the desire to build a Great Wall of America, but I have to ask,

Where does our real danger lie?

Oh yes, dear reader. The danger is very real. In fact, it may be coming to a salon near you. 

    Be afraid, reader.

         Be very afraid. 

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Published in: on June 27, 2008 at 6:35 am  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Hi. I found your website on NaNoWriMo, thanks to your shameless plugging. :] I totally understand about the mullets. Really, they just aren’t normal. “Business in the front, party in the back” my rear end. And there’s mistakes in Wikipedia? Heaven forbid!

    I’ve never had a pair of uggs, but it’s not like I haven’t seen them. I see where you’re coming from; a couple years back, just about every one of my friends wore them. One word: beware.

    I am afraid. Very afraid.

  2. I know, it’s hard to believe that there are mistakes on Wikipedia; I thought it was one of those nasty rumors that weren’t true, like men walking on the moon, or the Chinese Olympics upholding the spirt of the games, democracy and all that..

    They don’t tell you that the “party in the back” means, “behind the dumpster, next to the rotting garbage and the lion-sized rats.”

  3. […] by itin on Fri 19-12-2008 Mullet’s on Blue Team >:| Saved by FOOTFAN255 on Mon 08-12-2008 Fashion Mullets & Other Terrors Saved by tpimentel on Sun 07-12-2008 Coasters and Mullets Saved by Inosbiggestfan on Sat […]


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