Scott’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

It’s been a while since we had a genuine comment-friendly post. So, I was hungry at work and decided we need to figure out who would win in a hot-dog eating contest…


The obvious choice, Takeru Kobayashi, six time winner of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, he held the world record in hot dog eating for nearly six years. 

The self-taught glutton even has his own product line.


Everyone’s favorite flesh-eater, Bub the Zombie. What he lacks in speed and finesse, he more than makes up for in a stubborn will to overcome any and all obstacles.

Don’t tell him a zombie can’t enjoy Beethoven!


And our final contestant, F.W. Colqhoun (a.k.a. Colonel Ives, a.k.a. Wendigo), hails from the wintry clime of the Sierra mountains in California. A self-professed cannibal, rumors persist that he might not compete at all, with witnesses stating they have heard him mumbling, “You are who you eat,” over and over again in a men’s bathroom stall. 


Those are your contestants for the 1st annual Scott’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Here’s the rules:

1) An unlimited supply of hot dogs

2) An 8 hour competition

3) The 3 contestants will be locked inside an abandoned warehouse overnight..


4) 1 boot and rally allowed

Comment who you think should win. And let the gluttony commence!


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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Takeru Kobayashi all the way!

  2. Got to give credit where it’s due.
    I got the style idea for this post from Joe Hill.

    He has a great site, and if you haven’t checked it out, definitely give it a go.

  3. I’m not going with Wendigo, seeing as how they are all locked inside a room together, he will likley eat Takeru, seeing as how he is naturally no competition, and especailly salty after those dogs, my choice is the zombie.

  4. Hmmm…this is a tough one. I would have to say in this situation that teamwork would be advantageous.

    FACT- Soldiers are trained to work together to achieve a common goal.
    FACT- Zombies typically pack together and aid each other in disembowling thier victims.
    FACT-Kobayashi to my knowledge has only participated in individual competition.

    With this in mind, I see the following scenario happening:

    As the Japanese superstar begins eating his first hotdog, the Zombie and Colonel Ives join forces to make a quick meal of the unsuspecting Kobayashi. The colonel then quickly turns on the Zombie and shoots him in the back of the head. This shouldn’t be too tough because Zombies are slow and stupid.
    The Colonel spends the remaining 8 hours eating the Zombie…

    The irony is that Kobayashi is actually the winner by technicality. He is the only one who actually ate any hotdogs…albeit just a few bites!

  5. Certain criteria would affect how this epic contest plays out. Here are some key factors each competitor would need to succeed:

    Takeru: In a shorter contest, he would be the hands-down winner…if, and only if, he could keep out of reach of the other 2 competitors, both of whom would consider him to be part of the buffet.

    Zombie: If this is an old-school, slow-moving, moaning shuffler, then he loses an 8-hour event due to his ponderous rate of consumption. If this is a “Dawn of the Dead” type of eater, then he’s fast and aggressive, and burns his way through dogs and opposition at a furious pace. However, if he bites an opponent and fails to consume him, the opponent becomes infected, gains the speed and consumptive ability of the zombie, and it blows the match wide open.

    Wendigo: If the zombie is slow, then the Wendigo wins this one. He swiftly consumes Takeru, and as you know, the more a wendigo eats, the hungrier he becomes… If he’s bitten by the zombie (but not consumed), perhaps he could become a zombie-wendigo hybrid, which would render his gurgitative potential absolutely unlimited.

  6. We came across this old post while Googling “Scotty’s hot dog eating contest” and thought we would add our YouTube video link showing a local winner who consumed 16 hot dogs (no buns, though).

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